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The gun was loaded and it was time to play Russian roulette. Death seemed like a risk worth taking, so that I could leave my emotions on the ground and feel numb. When I look back at this moment, I was simply lucky. The worst decisions in my climbing career have all been associated with personal lows. Divorce, bad relationships, work, they all have a price. During these times I ran to the mountains to forget in their comfort. The mountains were my opioids and there were times I was willing to take the whole bottle. With age came better decisions, both in my life and in the mountains. Looking back, the risk was never worth it, but since I don’t really drink or do drugs, it felt like the only outlet. Now, sometimes I go climbing to find comfort, and other times I’m seeking discomfort by pushing myself. But when I’m going climbing to push my boundaries, I go with a solid mind. Go not to escape your life, but to celebrate your life.